Adventures in Moving

For reasons that would take far too long to explain, I have recently relocated from Chicago to Seattle.

I am, BY NO MEANS, a midwestern girl. I was born in a small town in washington state, and I have maintained my west-coast sentimentality. However, I have never lived in Seattle. And, I have spent the last 6 years become acclimated to Chicago's business-casual approach to life.

So... basically, Seattle looks like a big pile of dirty hippies to me.

One interesting thing I've discovered (because it's HARD to miss) is that garbage is unnecessarily complicated. Not only do they have recycle bins EVERYWHERE, but they also have the mysterious third category of "Food/Compost."

Yes, the entire Seattle area has some kind of weird central compost pile.

I like to think that the mice from the Secret of Nimh eventually end up there.

I'm going to try to post more regularly here, to document my attempt at trying to figure out this weird place. I already have an idea for a whole series of posts on Frisbees.

the runaround

I wasn't going to write about this, but I just got off the phone with my FIFTH Bank of America representative, and now I feel like this scenario has gotten so completely overly complicated that it demands a blog post.

The problem: My ATM card expires soonish, and I want a new card before I go on vacation in August, lest there be any difficulties.

Call #1, July 13th: I got a super nice dude on the phone, explained to him my situation. He told me that my card was actually already mailed! It was sent on July 8th. I'd get it in no time. Thanks!

Call #2, July 16th: I went grocery shopping, picked out all my stuff, went up to check out, and my card was rejected. That was the only card I had on me, so the nice cashier put my stuff off to the side, and I stepped aside to call the bank.

This is the point where I spoke to the STUPIDEST woman on the planet. She also has what I like to call the "airport security" mentality, which is that she has to be a giant bitch whenever possible.

This woman, who I will refer to as The Asshole, tells me that the reason my card was rejected was that they sent me a NEW CARD on July 8th, and I should have it by now, so they canceled my old card.

WHAT?

So, I said that was ridiculous, and asked her if there was any way for her to UN-cancel my card, because I didn't have the new card yet.

The Asshole: Nope.

Me: But I don't have the card.

The Asshole: You should have it.

Me: I don't.

The Asshole: Well, you should go to a bank and take out some cash.

Me: That's not going to work.

So, this goes round and round for another few minutes, during which time I explain to the cashier that my card has been canceled for some reason, and that I can't buy those groceries after all. I apologize and leave the grocery store. Still on the phone.

At this point, that's the answer this woman has for me, but I'm not letting her off the phone. I ask to speak to someone who can actually help me. At that point, she puts me on hold. I'm on hold long enough to walk halfway home from the grocery store, at a very slow pace, because I'm kind of stalling, hoping that the next person will be able to reinstate my card.

So, after about 20 minutes, The Asshole gets back on the phone, tells me that it's NOT because they sent me a new card, but because my balance is less than my purchase was....

No apology. Just statement of new facts.

Me: Well, then can you transfer $500 out of savings.

The Asshole: Sure.

30 seconds later, the problem is solved.

Some of you may think that you have met Rage-Peggy. NOPE. But do you know who did? The Russian Douchebag that messed with me when I got back to the grocery store, RE-SHOPPED, and was checking out.

He met Rage-Peggy. And I almost feel bad for him, except that he was a total douchebag, and he deserved everything he got.

Ok... moving on.

Call #3, July 22: I noticed that I STILL haven't gotten the new card, so I decided to call back. This time I got a nice guy who confirmed that my card was sent on the 8th, and that technically they wouldn't re-issue the card until the 25th, which was Monday, so I should call back if I don't get it by Monday. Fine.

Monday I forgot. Tuesday I forgot.

Call #4, July 27th: I called just to tell them that I called on Friday, and they guy told me that I should call back this week and ask for my card to be re-issued. BUT, this time, the woman told me that they DIDN'T mail my card on July 8th. They manufactured it on July 8th. Then it sat around doing nothing for awhile, and they ACTUALLY mailed it on July 23rd.

WHAT?

So, I thanked her for this information, and told her that she has been totally nice, but that I have had the WORST time getting information about getting this stupid card, so I'd like to register some kind of complaint to someone that can actually do something about the bad information I've been getting every time I call.

So, she transfers me to her supervisor.

I explain all of the calls I've made, and all the different information I've received, and this women seems like she's only vaguely listening to me. So, then she says that she's really sorry about all the bad information, blah blah blah.

This is the moment where I realize that I'm wasting my time, because NO ONE cares.

Then she puts me on hold for a second, because she just wants to make sure everything is cool with my new card.

2 minutes later, she gets on the phone and tells me that she wants to cancel the old card and send me a new one fed-ex, because the old card WAS MAILED ON JULY 8TH.

This is where I lose my mind.

Then I ask her why the last woman told me it was mailed on July 23rd, if it really WAS mailed on July 8th?

She said.... sigh.... maybe it was mailed on July 23rd. She's not sure.

So, then I go on to tell her that there's something really wrong with their system, and that I can't believe how difficult it has been just to get information about this stupid new card.

So, screw them. You know what the worst part about all of this is? No one cares. I could close this account and go to another bank, but it would just be more of the same. Every business is turning into a conglomerate of assholes and incompetent people who just want you to shut up and give them your money. They treat you like the enemy and then thank you for your business.

It's all bullshit.

It makes me want to move to one of those pacific island nations where everyone fishes and lives most of their lives on boats just big enough for their family.

peggy's google search history REVEALED!

So, I'm sure I'm not the only one vaguely following the Casey Anthony trial extensively being covered by fox news. Right now, they are going over Casey's (and possibly her mother's) google search history, because apparently someone in their home searched for Chloroform 84 times.

And, I assume (because I haven't really watched any of this until just now) that chloroform has something to do with how the baby died.

So, I just looked up my google search history to see what people would find if they subpoenaed my internet records, and... here goes.

The list of things I have googled in the last few days:
Yoga Retreats
Things to do in Philadelphia
Skeptic Blogs
Gospel Choir
New Jersey Beach Vacations
Chicago Homelessness Public Policy
Nell Gwyn
Chicago House Fire Baby Death
Flowbee Videos
Stores that sell Flowbees
Drink Recipe Washington Apple Shots
Chicago Pro-choice clinic defense
Hate crimes age demographics
How to treat sunburn
Solarcaine death
Cinnamon Bread Machine Recipe
H. H. Holmes murders
Serial Killer list by number of deaths
Sarcoidosis
Why can’t I turn off Linked In messages
Lynyrd Skynyrd Discography
Toss-pot Urban Dictionary
Hot Dudes with Kittens
Nude heels
Enrico Colantoni
Bay of Pigs Invasion

So I guess if someone beats Enrico Colantoni to death with a flowbee, I'm going to be SCREWED.

And yes, I was curious about what EXACTLY a Toss-pot is.

movies to see... if you've recently been hit in the head with a shovel

From watching some recent movie trailers, the only conclusion I can draw is that the movie industry is specifically targeting people who have some kind of brain damage.

Exhibit A:
Paul Blart II: Zookeeper
Did you know that the animals in this movie TALK, giving Paul Blart helpful relationship tips?

Why wasn't the person who pitched this movie immediately run out of town with pitchforks and torches?

This is a TERRIBLE idea for a movie.
Any rational person can see that.

And yes, I know it's not REALLY Paul Blart, but it might as well be. But you know what? I bet this movie is 10,000 times worse than Paul Blart. At least that movie had some mildly entertaining segue humor.

Watching the trailer for this movie just makes me sad and angry. And you know what? I blame YOU.
I blame all of you who bought a ticket to see The Love Guru, or Grownups. I blame you for not saying NO to shitty comedy.

This is all your fault.

Exhibit B:
The Green Lantern (Or, as I like to call it, Ryan Renolds Does Stuff in Spandex)

This movie is special, in that it seems to be targeted toward nerds. And we all know nerds are super smart. However, on closer examination, this movie is clearly assumes that we're all too stupid to identify a crappy movie.

Do you remember the story of the green lantern?
Me neither.
Because it WASN'T ANY GOOD.

We all know Batman, because it was a cool story. This one has... rings... and some guy in crappy devil makeup and a green jumpsuit.

And yes, it also has Ryan Reynolds who is foxy and charming, but from what I can tell, he doesn't say or do anything worth watching in this movie.

I have to blame myself for this one, though, because I bought a ticket to see Wolverine Origins.

I should slap myself in the face.

signs of impending idiocracy

There was a VERY large group of people congregated in my neighborhood this morning, which piqued my interest, so I wandered by to see if I could figure out what was going on.

I thought maybe it would be some kind of protest, or neighborhood solidarity march. But no... it was this...


DOG BLESSING DAY.
Seriously? This is what we're spending our time on? Making sure Fido's sins are absolved? No, it's probably not that. It's probably something that makes PERFECT sense, like casting the demons out of Sir Vincent Wobblylegs (we just call him Wobbles for short).

This is the important work being done by the church in my neighborhood.
Yes, unemployment is currently at 8.7% in Chicago, and nearby, people line up around the block for the food pantry at the American Indian Center. But, lets get real. None of us are going to do anything about that.
This is a WAY better use of our time.

uptown blows

For some reason, magically this week it has gone from being borderline-winter outside to 85 degrees and 80% humidity outside, so it feels like I'm living inside a slow cooker.

Yesterday, I decided to get a zipcar account, because I thought I would do a nice favor for a friend by being a designated driver this weekend. Awesome. I can totes do that.

I just need to get a zipcar account.

I applied online, and they said I could pick my card up at the downtown office today. So, I headed downtown... I get there, and there's a sign on the door saying that because of power problems, they closed early.

So, I just went all the way downtown for nothing...

Fine.

I jump back on the 145 bus, which takes me approximately halfway home, and then the driver announces that the next stop will be the last stop...

why? It's a mystery.

So, they dump us all in the middle of town, like 3 miles from my home.
I got on a second bus, which only took me half that distance.

Then I had to walk a mile, during which time, I saw this super old, obviously batshit crazy woman get into a fight with this gigantic black guy. Then she started screaming racist stuff.

And I'm just standing there waiting for the damn bus.

Then, trying to get on the bus, the crazy woman just stands there, in front of the bus door. And I'm the lucky soul that gets to stand right behind her. And she's doing nothing, so I say, "Excuse me."

This was my biggest mistake of the day, because the LAST thing you should do when confronted by a crazy person in uptown is engage them in some kind of verbal interaction. So, I just had to stand there while this unstable person screamed in my face in front of a bus full of strangers.

However, my strategy when confronted by out-of-control crazy is just to kill it with calmness. I just maintained eye contact and kept saying, "Move off to the side, move off to the side, move off to the side, just move out of the way then, move out of the way." It was so funny. And she screamed all this stuff about being shoved, and I just kept telling her to move. She got SO MAD.

It was awesome. Then she finally moved, rode the bus one stop (half a block) and got off.

Ahhhhhh... UPTOWN.

Now I'm home, and it's a billion degrees in my apartment.

The best part about this whole scenario is that I have to go back downtown tomorrow.

BLAHHHHHH

publicly declaring my insanity

So, I recently discovered that as I get older, I'm getting dumber.

I used to be so smart! I used to read books, and think deep thoughts, and express them well on paper.

Therefore, I have resolved to read at least one non-grad-school-related book each week for the next 6 weeks.

Woot!

I know that doesn't seem like a lot for all you smarty-pants readers out there, but let me assure you, I will have to sacrifice a LOT of TV to accomplish this daunting task.

My first book is almost done. All week, I have been reading Gary Taubes's excellent book on nutrition, "Why we get fat: and what to do about it." I'm almost finished, so that counts as book one. (yeah, that's how I roll)

To sum up this first book, it's amazingly brilliant. It makes me simultaneously really happy and really angry, because Taubes dissects what is wrong with our calorie-focused diet culture, and breaks down the science of body fat into extremely accessible terms. It has changed the way I think about eating, about food, and about myself.

I highly recommend it.