Exhibit A:
Paul Blart II: Zookeeper
Did you know that the animals in this movie TALK, giving Paul Blart helpful relationship tips?
Why wasn't the person who pitched this movie immediately run out of town with pitchforks and torches?
This is a TERRIBLE idea for a movie.
Any rational person can see that.
And yes, I know it's not REALLY Paul Blart, but it might as well be. But you know what? I bet this movie is 10,000 times worse than Paul Blart. At least that movie had some mildly entertaining segue humor.
Watching the trailer for this movie just makes me sad and angry. And you know what? I blame YOU.
I blame all of you who bought a ticket to see The Love Guru, or Grownups. I blame you for not saying NO to shitty comedy.
This is all your fault.
Exhibit B:
The Green Lantern (Or, as I like to call it, Ryan Renolds Does Stuff in Spandex)
This movie is special, in that it seems to be targeted toward nerds. And we all know nerds are super smart. However, on closer examination, this movie is clearly assumes that we're all too stupid to identify a crappy movie.
Do you remember the story of the green lantern?
Me neither.
Because it WASN'T ANY GOOD.
We all know Batman, because it was a cool story. This one has... rings... and some guy in crappy devil makeup and a green jumpsuit.
And yes, it also has Ryan Reynolds who is foxy and charming, but from what I can tell, he doesn't say or do anything worth watching in this movie.
I have to blame myself for this one, though, because I bought a ticket to see Wolverine Origins.
I should slap myself in the face.
But ryan reynolds didn't even wear spandex. He filmed the movie naked-ish and all of it was graphically painted on. So maybe all the nerds are going to see it for the cool graphics. And this is the part where I admit I liked grownups and hastily duck to avoid being hit by your proverbial flying frying pan.
ReplyDeleteOoh! That kind of makes me want to see it... except that all I would want to see is him naked-ish.
ReplyDeleteAlso, those graphics don't look cool. Also, there is NO REASON to make a movie that only looks cool. Having a half-way decent plot and interesting characters is not that difficult.